On Sunday, December 11, at approximately 1630 hours, LTJGs C#^**, B#^**, and R#^** were south of hospital point, drifting lazily. They were chumming for sharks; a questionable sport (EDITOR'S NOTE: The largest shark caught weighed in at 3 tons and measured 36 feet in length. Mr. C#^**'s boat measures 24 feet in length and weighs 1½ tons. In our opinion, a distinct disadvantage), and had not gotten so much as a nibble. The serenity of this idyllic scene was suddenly interrupted by the faintest of impassioned pleas: "h e l p". Mr. C#^** later explained that the cry came from downwind (sic), which helps justify its weakness.
Anyway, General Quarters was sounded, all Zulu fittings were dogged, the lifeboat was manned and ready, and a smart Williamson turn was executed to port in the direction of the distress. Mr. R#^**, on watch at this time in the CIC compartment, a deck chair with attached binoculars and a bridge score pad for contact reports, vectored Mr. C#^** to the contact area. Mr. B#^** promptly assumed the responsibility of SAU Commander and manned the starboard rail in preparation for the rescue.
The victim's position was approximately 100 yards south and after 30 minutes, the "Officers' Launch" was just about "on top". This deplorable situation was corrected by Mr. C#^**, who deftly swung the launch into a wide port turn to clear the victim, nearly throwing Mr. B#^** off the starboard side. Mr. R#^** protested this action most vociferously and stated that he could not get credit for "kills" with boat handling such as that. Mr. C#^** later declined to comment on Mr. R#^**'s behavior when he (Mr. C#^**) said he could not give Mr. R#^** credit, since no actual "splash" was made.
While all this was transpiring, Mr. B#^** "fixed" the victim's position with SORAN (Short Range Aid to Navigation--eyeball) at one mile from a prominent rock on the reef just south of hospital pint and due west of the crossed palm trees (a prominent navigation point for rafts and canoes). Accuracy on the fix was determined to be ±4 miles by a roll of the dice, after which Mr. R#^** was again the loser.
By this time, the vicitm was alongside the port side of the launch (it will be remembered that Mr. B#^** had taken up a position on the starboard side). Utterly confused by this time, Mr. B#^** calmly screamed, "Execute emergency procedures!" However, seeing no one who could, he proceeded to the portside and gaffed the victims, who until then had been in fairly good health. He then pulled him aboard, feet-first. Mr. C#^**, seeing that the rescue was complete, "got up steam" and proceeded at flank speed to the victim's boat, then in orbit southeast of the pickup point, about here. Executing a 90 lead collision intercept converted to a tail chase (Mr. R#^** had been running a head-on, based on information in the sea-return), Mr. C#^** was able to close the boat enough to enable Mr. R#^** to grapple it and then board it. The decision to use Mr. R#^** for this delicate task was based on size, agility, and another roll of the dice in which Mr. R#^** did not participate.
Mr. R#^** leaped smartly from the starboard rail only to discover that he had tied his own belt to the "Officers' Launch" rather than the rod and reel as he had been told to do. Witnesses were unable to recall what the sequence of movements were at this point: Some say he walked, others say he flew head first, but he did board the victim's boat and managed somehow to locate the throttles and put them in "Full Stop". He then re-boarded the "Officers' Launch" and proceeded to attend to the victim.
The victim, meanwhile, had recovered sufficiently to re-board his own boat and re-assume the "conn". This was done while Mr. R#^** was returning and thus caused some degree of concern on Mr. R#^**'s part as to the whereabouts of the victim. All questions in his mind were resolved when Mr. C#^** suddenly executed an emergancy breakoff to starboard (again nearly throwing Mr. B#^** overboard--he had not yet regained his position forward on the starboard side).
Thoroughly confused by the rapidity of the events which had transpired, Mr. R#^** returned to CIC to scan his sea return CIC NATOPS. What special piece of equipment is designed to eliminate sea return out to a distance of 50 miles? Sunglasses.
Mr. B#^** was seen by an unidentified observer ashore to sink despondently into another deck chair. Mr. C#^** later recalled his muttering something like: "...emergency procedures...not right...no flight engineers..helluva way...run a boat..."
Though its description tends to lean toward exaggeration, if not complete fiction, the rescue was actually executed by the above-mentioned officers. As you have probably guessed...no one bothered to ask the victim his name. --Editor
